Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I don’t cotton to rapists

Why cant I sleep on my side after getting my covid vaccine? I just got the shot and I’ve been overstimulated from not being able to sleep, my arm is very sore and it hurts so much to move and I just want to sleep but it hurts if I lay on either side

I can read

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

Why do people smoke?

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

Why do I smell bad even though I have good hygiene?

I understand how hurricane paths work

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I don’t buy bullshit

What are the 10 things you regret doing in your life?

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I see through liars

Does the Lil Wayne song ‘Lollipop’ refers to a Lollipop sweet or a metaphor?

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

What topics are okay with you in comics and what topics should be totally off the table?

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I have a reading level above third grade

Humans have evolved and become hairless and odor free. How do other races learn about evolution since evolution does not apply to them?

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

Why should you never do drugs? Will this story absolutely shock you?

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

What I have noticed is nearly every girl I try to connect with whom reject me are in their early 20s why is that the case?

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

When have you been in an accident where the other person involved blatantly lied to the police about what transpired?

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

How do I run away? I'm 15 and live in Oklahoma.

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

Justin Bieber talks 'anger issues,' says he's 'broken' in emotional Instagram post - ABC News

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

Why was the rock band Kiss so successful?

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I actually pay taxes

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I have complete contempt for traitorism

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I have complete contempt for fakery

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I can count

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I have an acute aversion to scumbags